Dinner Dynamics
(Why the Night Before Matters More Than You Think)
One of the most underrated parts of board work happens not in the boardroom, but around the dinner table the night before.
Over the years, I’ve come to value these dinners as more than just a calendar placeholder. They are where tone is set, relationships are tended, and insight is gathered in ways that formal meetings can’t always provide.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
1-The Real Conversation Happens Off Agenda
Board dinners give directors a chance to talk candidly with each other, without management in the room. These moments matter. They allow directors to:
Share impressions and concerns
Surface questions they may still be forming
Understand how others are thinking before the pressure of the meeting begins
It’s about alignment, not agreement, and it’s not about pre-meeting lobbying. You get a feel for where there is shared understanding, and where conversation may need more care and time.
2-The Soft Stuff is the Hard Stuff
Dinners also serve a much deeper function. They create the space for relationships to grow. This is especially important when things are tense or when new directors are joining the table.
You can smooth over rocky edges that may have shown up in a previous meeting. You can reconnect with someone you disagreed with. You can dare to be vulnerable. You can have a real conversation, as people first, not just as board members.
When board culture is strong, these conversations add clarity and reduce friction in the meeting that follows. When board culture is strained, these dinners can be a lifeline.
3-You Learn More Than You Think
Board dinners give you a window into who is struggling, who is leaning in, and what might be shaping their position. The informal setting lets people safely share context they may not offer at the table and ask the ‘dumb’ questions.
And when management occasionally joins for dinner, you get another view of how they show up. Are they relaxed? Guarded? Over-prepared? You learn a lot about confidence, comfort, and culture in these settings.
The board chair sets the tone, but the directors present help to shape and refine it for the next day. The dinner is a read on the room - who is energized, who is cautious, and where attention needs to be directed when the formal agenda begins.
Final Thought:
Board dinners are not just about food or formality. They are a chance to connect, build trust, test the temperature, and arrive prepared. Not just with information, but with insight.
Missing the occasional dinner is understandable. Life happens. A quick heads-up to the chair is respectful and appreciated.
But if you’re a repeat no-show, it says something. Your fellow directors notice. And don’t expect them to slow the conversation the next day so you can catch up.
Because if there is a board dinner, that’s when the work begins.