Yin & Yang

If you have served on a board long enough, you have met them: the director who rubs you the wrong way. Maybe it is their style—too abrasive, too quiet, too long-winded. Maybe you simply do not understand where they are coming from. Boards are not friendship clubs. They are governance bodies. Your responsibility is to make the dynamic work, not to wish away the people you find difficult.

Here are three strategies that I have found helpful.

1. Separate the Person from the Contribution

It is tempting to tune out when someone you dislike starts talking. But often, buried inside their delivery, there is a perspective worth hearing. Train yourself to listen for the idea, not the personality. Ask: what is the value here, even if I do not like how it is packaged? This shift not only helps decisions improve but also takes the emotional sting out of interactions.

2. Assume Good Intent Even When You Are Not Sure

When we do not understand someone, it is easy to assign motives. Politics, ego, hidden agendas. That story builds walls fast. Instead, assume good intent unless proven otherwise. Even if you are wrong, it changes your posture. You listen more openly, you engage more constructively, and you are less likely to escalate conflict. Boards run better when directors give each other the benefit of the doubt.

3. Build a Small Bridge Outside the Boardroom

The most effective directors do not just show up at meetings. They invest in relationships outside of them. A short conversation over coffee or a quick call can humanize the person you have written off. You may not like them more, but you will understand them better. And often, that is enough to shift the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative.

At the end of the day, governance is not about liking everyone around the table. It is about harnessing the range of perspectives, including the ones you struggle with, for the good of the organization. If you can master that discipline, you not only strengthen the board’s work but also grow as a leader.