Allyship vs Lobbying

Private conversations between directors are a normal, and often necessary, part of board work. They build trust, strengthen relationships, test thinking, and help directors prepare for high-stakes discussions.

But there’s a fine line between allyship, which strengthens governance, and lobbying, which undermines it.

Here are three takeaways to I think will help you stay on the right side of that line.

1-Intent Matters

The difference isn’t always in what’s said, it’s in why it’s said.

Allyship sounds like:
“How are you thinking about this issue?”
“I’m struggling with part of this report. What’s your read on it?”

The goal is clarity, not consensus. These conversations create space for shared understanding, especially ahead of sensitive or complex topics.

Lobbying sounds like:
“I think we should go this way. Can I count on your support?”
“Just a heads-up - most of us are aligned already.”

The goal here is influence. Quiet alignment before a formal meeting may feel strategic, but it undercuts board transparency and trust.

Before you reach out, check your motivation: Am I trying to understand or trying to steer?

2-Private Conversations Are Useful

Side conversations are valuable when they:

• Help you understand a fellow director’s perspective

• Clarify a technical or complex issue

• Strengthen relationships that improve collaboration

But if they become:

• Vehicles for vote-counting

• Efforts to avoid tough conversations in front of management

• Ways to sideline or isolate directors who disagree

Then they start working against good governance.

Boards work best when issues are surfaced and debated in the room, not decided before anyone sits down. And for challenging issues, the board pre-dinner table is a great place to start.

3-Transparency Builds Trust

If a topic feels sensitive or particularly charged, loop in the board chair. They set the tone for how difficult conversations unfold and can ensure that all directors have access to the same context.

If directors feel decisions are being made offstage, it erodes confidence and discourages real dialogue. Trust doesn’t disappear all at once. It thins out quietly, then snaps.

Governance relies on an even playing field. Transparency is what keeps it level.

Final Thought: Conversations Shape Culture

Allyship is part of strong board culture.
Lobbying is a signal that something’s breaking down.

You can’t build trust without honest dialogue. And you can’t have honest dialogue when directors are nudging decisions behind the scenes.

One-on-one conversations will always have a place in board life. Just make sure yours are making the table stronger and not quietly tilting it.